– like a moth –

I think: could I live without human interaction?

It makes me sick, it gives me energy.

I am feeling so sick today.

Alone.

I want to give up

but I know that one cannot give up on life.

so I hold on to it

but with a stomach so sick of trying,

with a head too heavy from thinking,

Not hungry though I should eat

as if my body would run on low energy.

People like to be with me when I am fully present, bright, energetic and steady –

then they keep on telling me their sorrows and worries.

But what if I am broken now and can’t take it anymore?

Then most of them turn their backs to me

as I cannot serve them anymore as a battery to recharge from their miseries.

What if it is me now who needs some light and encouragement?

Who is there to give to me?

I don’t see you – because as soon as my light was dimmed

– like a mot – you disappeared to another source to light you up.

Now I am standing alone – in my dark –

and have to wait for my inner light to return.

I am not a mot

my innermost Self won’t rot

and won’t go under as long as there is a tiny spark of faith within.

Burn on a minimum flame

and have no light to spare

for the moths

eating me up alive.

And I try to hold back floods,

from flooding my neighborhood.

It is my own house I flood

drowning in the floorboards.

Do I trust others?

Do I trust myself? Whom do I trust more – or less – at all?

Is there a rule I can follow?

Seeking guidance on the outside

to live up to some standards. Oh my heart,

decide to let this part to die

and be reborn as a butterfly.

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