I think: could I live without human interaction?
It makes me sick, it gives me energy.
I am feeling so sick today.
I want to give up
but I know that one cannot give up on life.
so I hold on to it
but with a stomach so sick of trying,
with a head too heavy from thinking,
Not hungry though I should eat
as if my body would run on low energy.
People like to be with me when I am fully present, bright, energetic and steady –
then they keep on telling me their sorrows and worries.
But what if I am broken now and can’t take it anymore?
Then most of them turn their backs to me
as I cannot serve them anymore as a battery to recharge from their miseries.
What if it is me now who needs some light and encouragement?
Who is there to give to me?
I don’t see you – because as soon as my light was dimmed
– like a mot – you disappeared to another source to light you up.
Now I am standing alone – in my dark –
and have to wait for my inner light to return.
I am not a mot
my innermost Self won’t rot
and won’t go under as long as there is a tiny spark of faith within.
Burn on a minimum flame
and have no light to spare
for the moths
eating me up alive.
And I try to hold back floods,
from flooding my neighborhood.
It is my own house I flood
drowning in the floorboards.
Do I trust others?
Do I trust myself? Whom do I trust more – or less – at all?
Is there a rule I can follow?
Seeking guidance on the outside
to live up to some standards. Oh my heart,
decide to let this part to die
and be reborn as a butterfly.